Both such GREAT BIG parts of my life at different times, so much happiness taken from them and from being with them.

I walk around making jokes and being everybody’s back-up, but sometimes I’m the one who needs a shoulder and a good joke to make me forget what’s on my mind.

I’m NOT whining … I am fully aware of the fact that I don’t share much with people and when I do, it’s in the form of a joke or a rant to make them laugh. I am a comedian at heart. I’m just saying that sometimes it would be nice if someone would just ASK instead of waling in the door and starting in with their drama du jour.

Someone DID ask today and before I could even get an answer out, he just continued on with his own personal agenda – wanting my feedback, wanting my support.

Of course, I’m here for my friends and family, but just every once in a while … y’know?

–
I saw you hug your purse closer to you in the grocery store line.
But you didn’t see me put an extra $10.00 in the collection plate last Sunday.

I saw you pull your child closer when we passed each other on the sidewalk.
But you didn’t see me playing Santa at the local mall.

I saw you change your mind about going into the restaurant.
But you didn’t see me attending a meeting to raise more money for the hurricane relief.

I saw you roll up your window and shake your head when I drove by.
But you didn’t see me driving behind you when you flicked your cigarette butt out the car window.

I saw you frown at me when I smiled at your children.
But you didn ‘t see me when I took time off from work to run toys to the homeless.

I saw you stare at my long hair.
But you didn’t see me and my friends cut ten inches off for Locks of Love.

I saw you roll your eyes at our leather coats and gloves.
But you didn’t see me and my brothers donate our old coats and gloves to those that had none.

I saw you look in fright at my tattoos.
But you didn’t see me cry as my children where born and have their name written over and in my heart.

I saw you change lanes while rushing off to go somewhere.
But you didn’t see me going home to be with my family.

I saw you complain about how loud and noisy our bikes can be.
But you didn’t see me when you were changing the CD and drifted into my lane.

I saw you yelling at your kids in the car.
But you didn’t see me pat my child’s hands, knowing he was safe behind me.

I saw you reading the newspaper or map as you drove down the road.
But you didn’t see me squeeze my wife’s leg when she told me to take the next turn.

I saw you race down the road in the rain.
But you didn’t see me get soaked to the skin so my son could have the car to go on his date.

I saw you run the yellow light just to save a few minutes of time.
But you didn’t see me trying to turn right

I saw you cut me off because you needed to be in the lane I was in.
But you didn’t see me leave the road.

I saw you waiting impatiently for my friends to pass.
But you didn’t see me. I wasn’t there.

I saw you go home to your family.
But you didn’t see me. Because, I died that day you cut me off.

I WAS JUST A BIKER. A person with friends and a family. But you didn’t see me.

–

Getting to be that time of years, friends. PAY ATTENTION.

I know I whine a lot and I bitch and moan a lot – the majority of it is for effect. I like to make people laugh. I’m opinionated and I have a goddamn answer for everything. I NEVER (or seldom, let’s say) complain or bitch about what’s really wrong with me, or what’s really bothering me. I have friends who have been going through so much worse that I am that it would be a sin for me to bitch about my piddly problems.

But if anyone knew how bad it really was I’m pretty sure a lot people would be surprised.

I haven’t been sleeping well these past weeks. I hate it when BigD is out of town – HATE IT. I can’t sleep without him, even if I can’t sleep when he’s home cuz he’s a crabby old ass. But at least he’s home and even if one of us are on the sofa, we’re in the same house and if I need him,he’s there.

When he’s gone, I don’t sleep good. I fell asleep at 7pm last night (I know, right?) and was up at one a.m. putting new memory in my computer. By 2am I was a slobbery, whinery, snotty mess. I was just so fucking lonesome. My back hurt so bad, and all I could think was that they’ll never find out what’s wrong with me.

I started crying so hard that I started coughing – this goddamn cold won’t go away, it’s been over a MONTH. I keep thinking about my mom – she went in December and got a completely clean bill of health (she had to have physical cuz she was working at a nursing home). Five weeks later – a fifty cent piece spot of cancer on her lungs.

She was dead less than a year later.

Shit like that goes through your head when you’re home alone, night after night, after night.

So …

Yesterday I was supposed to get my tat worked on by the Tattoo God and then have lunch with a new friend (who happens to be the TG’s lady). My fucking car decided I wasn’t going anywhere and that I need a new ignition module.

Yay.

When to town w/the baby today. She makes me laugh and that’s a good thing. Right now I need all the laugh I can get.

Imma get my Jim Beam on … yeah, pickin’ up the ghetto talk, lol.

I gotta go … nothing to see here, move along.

Whoop.

Good friends, good kids, good animals, spectacular husband … I have been blessed.

I do a lot of bitching; I can’t help it, it’s what I do and what I’m good at. If you read between the lines, you can see that it’s all in fun.

At the end of the day, I thank God for ALL of it. I would gladly go through EVERY shitty thing that happened to me when I was a kid if I could be guaranteed to end up exactly where I am today.

Well, I DO KNOW why I waited until today instead of doing them on Monday; I was pissed (still am) at BigD.

“Really?” you say. “No shit,” you say.

Yeah, no shit, I say.

He occasionally FORGETS who does his laundry, makes his supper five nights a week, pays the bills, deals with insurance and utilities people when they need to be dealt with and takes care of all the little stuff he TAKES FOR GRANTED. Ya know like blow-jobs and incidentals like that.

Yeah, that would be me.

That’s why when I say to him, “My car won’t start.” I expect him to do more than put the fucking battery charger on it for ten minutes, tell me he doesn’t know what’s wrong with it and tell me to call our mechanic.

Which he would NOT do if one of his buddies drove in the yard and said, “Dude, my car’s fucked, I need help.” If THAT happened, he would fire up the wood stove, move his bike and let his buddy pull his car in the garage and they’d be out there until the wee hours, working on that car.

I do NOT expect to have to try THREE FUCKING USELESS battery chargers and call my girlfriend who works for a fucking parts store for help before I remember that the ONE battery charger that works has been “on loan” since last summer.

I expect him to occasionally say, “My God, honey, you must be so tired from COUGHING ALL FUCKING NIGHT. I’ll sleep on the sofa once so you can get a good night’s rest.”

Which he actually DID last night.

And the taxes got done TODAY.

There’s a moral to that story in there somewhere.

But it’s not.

It’s because he’s a dick in bed.

Hey come back, this is NOT gonna be TMI, this time, I promise. Well there might be later in this post, but right now I’m referring to how he talks in his sleep, NOT about his tremendous sexual prowess (what, you don’t think I’ve been with him for 25 years because he’s independently wealthy, do ya?).

Every once in a while, usually if he’s sick, like with a bad cold, he talks in his sleep and says shitty things to me. One night last week, after I’d had a tremendous coughing fit, he told me to get out of bed then called the dog up next to him.

WTF.

Night before last, every time I woke up coughing he had something snotty to say. Then when his alarm went off, he says, “Well, at least SOMEONE gets to sleep.”

I am fully aware of the fact that he can’t be held accountable for anything he says/does in his sleep, but it pisses me off. I mean, I am already PISSED OFF because I just woke myself up for the third (or fourth or fifth) time coughing my guts out. Do I really need his assholery on top of it?

He always apologizes for anything he might’ve said and I know he doesn’t mean it, but STILL …

NOW for the real TMI – The Valentine’s Day Edition

1. Have you had sex with another person in 2010? Have you passed on an opportunity to sex with another person in 2010?

Nope. Nope.

2. What is the funniest thing you have ever said or done during sex? (Orgasmic facial expressions do not count.)

When we were first together, I gave BigDaddy a great big whack across the head. I can’t imagine why the hell he kept dating me.

3. What is the first thing you notice about a member of the opposite sex?

Their forearms and hands.

4. What is the best pick-up line you have ever heard? Every used? Ever been used on you?

Really? I grew up in and made my living for thirty years in a bar – pick one. I’ve heard ‘em all. Some worked, some didn’t.

5. Where is the most unique you have ever had sex?

Men’s room of a bar we hang out at

Feh …

So yesterday, I managed to get the laundry done. When I was cleaning out the dryer vent at the end of the last load, I pulled out a wad of FUR that weighed more than my cat. Now granted, my cat is a bit on the small side, but come on! The whole fur situation is getting out of hand over here and lint brushes obviously aren’t cutting it anymore.

What to do …

OH, speaking of birds, a mourning dove has taken up residence in our chimney. The chimney vents out the hot water heater, not our furnace, so I’m told it’s not a big problem.

Uh, yeah, it is a big problem. What if it DIES in there and stinks up my house? What if it breaks through the covering where the old heater pipe used to be (we live in a very old house, with a very old chimney) and ends up in my frocking dining room? Also, my cat is trying to climb the wall to get AT that noise she keeps hearing. This morning she was standing on the other side of the wall, staring up as if trying to figure out another way to get at it.

Never a dull moment over here, honestly.

So … no New Orleans. My daughter has turned out to be very conscientious and doesn’t want me to pay for everything. Where did that kid come from, lol? IAE, instead of NO, we will be doing Chicago again, hopefully in May. That’s alright, too, though. We had a ball when we went down there a couple of years ago and we missed a LOT.

Of course, I have fun with that kid just sitting in my dining room, so …

Speaking of kids, did I mention that TheBoy moved OUT? Yes he did.

Now here’s the weird thing; I miss him. Even though he spent the majority of the time in the basement and I never saw him, it seems so quiet around here without him. I keep thinking I hear his TV in the basement, and THAT is a little creepy.

Alzheimer’s anybody?

Okay, I’m off.

I am waiting for propagation on a couple of sites, so rather than actually do something productive in the meantime (oh, like folding the laundry … WHAT? I washed and dried it!), I am over here futzing around.

So! I have been productive this week. More or less. Aside from the laundry, I made a doctor’s appointment (you have no idea how sick I am of doctors), made a hair appointment and made a tattoo appointment.

Last week, after going over the results from the multitude of tests that I’ve had in the past six weeks, I made the -INFORMED – decision to pass on the one I was supposed to have two weeks ago. All previous tests indicate that whatever is wrong with me is not life-threatening, meaning I am in no danger of dying anytime soon, so I see no good reason to spend in excess of $1000 on the off chance they might find out what the hell is going on.

After speaking with my gastroenterologist’s NP (who, quite frankly, I like MUCH better than the doctor), we are going to start me on a gluten-free diet, which was one of the things they suspected. Three months, gluten free, we’ll see how the fuck THAT goes.

Oh, I did however find this out:

“Our beer is gluten free. Its primary ingredient is rice and the barley that is used in brewing is turned into amino acids during the brewing process and our scientists have been unable to detect any gluten.” ~a direct quote from Budweiser

So, nyah …

I also made an appt. with my GP to gauge the possibility of being prescribed a hypothyroid med; I’ve spoken to several people with similar symptoms who’ve benefited from the med even though there was no indication that they were actually hypothyridic. So we shall see what we shall see on that front.

I have felt like shit for so long that I wouldn’t know what feeling good actually felt like.

The haircut is because I suddenly have this stupid chunk of hair that will NOT stay out of my eyes – I feel like a horse with an unruly forelock.

And the tattoo – well, ya’ll will just have to wait and see.

I’m off, I have a hosting company to chew out.