knuckle down

After twenty-one years, you’d think I’d be getting over it.

I’m not. What’s more, I doubt that I ever will.

The holiday season (Christmas time, for all of you thoughtless, Christian-centric folks) season is upon us with all that entails and I LOVE that part of it. I love the decorating (well kinda). I love the cards in the mail. I love Bob Rivers – “Oh geez look at this“. And you KNOW I love the food.

Underneath it all though is that sadness. I have it over the course of the year at different times, but Christmas is the worst. Because Mama loved Christmas and because she died just five days before.

So the holidays are bittersweet for me.

This year, of course, my boy is over there in Minnesota and I don’t know if he’s coming home. Shit, I don’t even know if he’s alive – I NEVER hear from him unless I text him. Which reminds me …

Okay, he’s alive. Apparently he purchased “Boogie Nights” and thought fondly of his mother. 🙄

I am persona non gratis with my baby sister. We had quite the blow-up in June and we haven’t spoken since. The middle sister and I have always had that type of relationship, but LittleSis and I never have. It makes me sad.

I could be the bigger person and hold out the olive branch, but I’m afraid if I HAD an olive branch I’d commence to beating that “man” she’s married to about the face and shoulders with it and that would be the wrong thing to do.

😡

Time Waits for No One

Also, “The Holidays” directly precedes The New Year (we are still calling it that, right?) which means I gotta start thinking of all the things that are wrong with me and ways to fix it.

I’ll be busy til oh, right around May 1. Just in time for my 51st (!) birthday when I can start whining about being old.

Again.

Over the River …

Over the river and through the woods,
To grandmother’s house we go;
The horse knows the way to carry the sleigh,
Through (the) white and drifted snow!

Over the river and through the woods,
Oh, how the wind does blow!
It stings the toes and bites the nose,
As over the ground we go.

Over the river and through the woods,
To have a first-rate play;
Oh, hear the bells ring, “Ting-a-ling-ling!”
Hurrah for Thanksgiving Day!

Over the river and through the woods,
Trot fast, my dapple gray!
Spring over the ground,
Like a hunting hound!
For this is Thanksgiving Day.

Over the river and through the woods,
And straight through the barnyard gate.
We seem to go extremely slow
It is so hard to wait!

Over the river and through the woods,
Now Grandmother’s cap I spy!
Hurrah for the fun! Is the pudding done?
Hurrah for the pumpkin pie!

We didn’t go to Grandmother’s house, we went to TheBaby’s TheBug’s house (she’s really NOT a baby any more :() and she did a really great job of hosting her first holiday. I am so proud of that kid; she has grown into such a lovely and responsible young woman.

TheBoy DID text with love and let us know he missed us and wished he were home. I would have loved to hear his voice, but since it was me who told him that ANY contact, even a one-sentence text message was better that NOT hearing from him at all, I can’t complain.

I worry about him so; I KNOW that he’s no longer a child, he’s a young man of twenty-five, the same age his father was when TheBoy was born. He’s paying for his own apartment, he has two jobs, yada-yada-yada.

But …

He lives in Minneapolis (okay a suburb), and while it’s NOT the most dangerous city in the Midwest, it DOES make the top ten. He works a third shift in a convenience store – yeah, we all know about them.

So I worry. It’s my job. what kind of mother would I be if I didn’t worry?

Despite being worried about my children, all is pretty good over here at Casa de Looney. BigD and I are getting along famously and I am happy for that.

I feel how I feel and I decided this morning to try and see if I could make it through the end of the year without mentioning how shitty I feel, either here or IRL. Really, it’s at the point that if I have a good day THAT’S what is something that should be mentioned, so … let’s see how this works out.

I am out of order on the King Reading List – gah. I purchased 11/22/63 last week, when I was in the last third of Firestarter and of course, had to read it immediately. Finished Firestarter and realized that I do NOT have a copy of Cujo, unless it’s in the attic. Since getting into the attic is an exercise in futility for me without at least a little help, I bounced ahead to what I thought was next – Skeleton Crew. Of course, Different Seasons is next, but by the time I’d double checked I was already well into The Mist, which I finished last night. Tonight I will get back in order.

And yes, BigD, “Over the RiverIS a Thanksgiving song, you twit.

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Yes, I did take the time out to actually make this graphic, lol!