Category Archives: What Do I Love?

knuckle down

This post was written on what I think was a Friday, but I know it was the 9th day in the month of December in the year of 2011.

After twenty-one years, you’d think I’d be getting over it.

I’m not. What’s more, I doubt that I ever will.

The holiday season (Christmas time, for all of you thoughtless, Christian-centric folks) season is upon us with all that entails and I LOVE that part of it. I love the decorating (well kinda). I love the cards in the mail. I love Bob Rivers – “Oh geez look at this“. And you KNOW I love the food.

Underneath it all though is that sadness. I have it over the course of the year at different times, but Christmas is the worst. Because Mama loved Christmas and because she died just five days before.

So the holidays are bittersweet for me.

This year, of course, my boy is over there in Minnesota and I don’t know if he’s coming home. Shit, I don’t even know if he’s alive – I NEVER hear from him unless I text him. Which reminds me …

Okay, he’s alive. Apparently he purchased “Boogie Nights” and thought fondly of his mother. :roll:

I am persona non gratis with my baby sister. We had quite the blow-up in June and we haven’t spoken since. The middle sister and I have always had that type of relationship, but LittleSis and I never have. It makes me sad.

I could be the bigger person and hold out the olive branch, but I’m afraid if I HAD an olive branch I’d commence to beating that “man” she’s married to about the face and shoulders with it and that would be the wrong thing to do.

:x

Time Waits for No One

Also, “The Holidays” directly precedes The New Year (we are still calling it that, right?) which means I gotta start thinking of all the things that are wrong with me and ways to fix it.

I’ll be busy til oh, right around May 1. Just in time for my 51st (!) birthday when I can start whining about being old.

Again.

Over the River …

This post was written on what I think was a Saturday, but I know it was the 26th day in the month of November in the year of 2011.

Over the river and through the woods,
To grandmother’s house we go;
The horse knows the way to carry the sleigh,
Through (the) white and drifted snow!

Over the river and through the woods,
Oh, how the wind does blow!
It stings the toes and bites the nose,
As over the ground we go.

Over the river and through the woods,
To have a first-rate play;
Oh, hear the bells ring, “Ting-a-ling-ling!”
Hurrah for Thanksgiving Day!

Over the river and through the woods,
Trot fast, my dapple gray!
Spring over the ground,
Like a hunting hound!
For this is Thanksgiving Day.

Over the river and through the woods,
And straight through the barnyard gate.
We seem to go extremely slow
It is so hard to wait!

Over the river and through the woods,
Now Grandmother’s cap I spy!
Hurrah for the fun! Is the pudding done?
Hurrah for the pumpkin pie!

We didn’t go to Grandmother’s house, we went to TheBaby’s TheBug’s house (she’s really NOT a baby any more :( ) and she did a really great job of hosting her first holiday. I am so proud of that kid; she has grown into such a lovely and responsible young woman.

TheBoy DID text with love and let us know he missed us and wished he were home. I would have loved to hear his voice, but since it was me who told him that ANY contact, even a one-sentence text message was better that NOT hearing from him at all, I can’t complain.

I worry about him so; I KNOW that he’s no longer a child, he’s a young man of twenty-five, the same age his father was when TheBoy was born. He’s paying for his own apartment, he has two jobs, yada-yada-yada.

But …

He lives in Minneapolis (okay a suburb), and while it’s NOT the most dangerous city in the Midwest, it DOES make the top ten. He works a third shift in a convenience store – yeah, we all know about them.

So I worry. It’s my job. what kind of mother would I be if I didn’t worry?

Despite being worried about my children, all is pretty good over here at Casa de Looney. BigD and I are getting along famously and I am happy for that.

I feel how I feel and I decided this morning to try and see if I could make it through the end of the year without mentioning how shitty I feel, either here or IRL. Really, it’s at the point that if I have a good day THAT’S what is something that should be mentioned, so … let’s see how this works out.

I am out of order on the King Reading List – gah. I purchased 11/22/63 last week, when I was in the last third of Firestarter and of course, had to read it immediately. Finished Firestarter and realized that I do NOT have a copy of Cujo, unless it’s in the attic. Since getting into the attic is an exercise in futility for me without at least a little help, I bounced ahead to what I thought was next – Skeleton Crew. Of course, Different Seasons is next, but by the time I’d double checked I was already well into The Mist, which I finished last night. Tonight I will get back in order.

And yes, BigD, “Over the River” IS a Thanksgiving song, you twit.

Pinterest

This post was written on what I think was a Friday, but I know it was the 25th day in the month of November in the year of 2011.

Yes, I did take the time out to actually make this graphic, lol!

willing to fight

This post was written on what I think was a Thursday, but I know it was the 17th day in the month of November in the year of 2011.

It’s funny.

Life, that is.

About a month ago I was in the middle of a serious “I-hate-the-fucker-and-I-don’t-care-if-he-lives-or-dies.”

Yeah it WAS THAT BAD.

Everything he did pissed me off or disgusted me. I couldn’t stand the way he looked, how he smelled and even the sound of his breathing made my hackles rise. His voice made my neck scrunch down into my shoulders and my eyes rolled involuntarily. I started mimicking him behind his back, muttering under my breath like a five year old.

It went on from July to probably the middle of September. Our anniversary was a joke to me, I didn’t even mention it. I was getting myself used to the fact that I was gonna be gone sometime in the very near future.

I wasn’t even sad about how I was feeling, that was the very worst thing, although I feel my chest tightening now and tears keep welling up as I write.

But … over the course of October, it just … went away. I started getting excited when it was time for him to come home from work. I didn’t shrink away from him when he touched me. I fell in love with my husband again.

I know couples who say that all the time. I read it on blogs and see it on swoony Lifetime movies and talk shows. But here’s the thing, it IS possible to “fall in love again”, even when things are at their bleakest and darkest.

I don’t know how things might have turned out had I still been going out to bars, shooting pool or darts. I suspect it might have been different (though I like to hope it wouldn’t have) if I had been a position to be swayed by alcohol, loud music and the drunken advances of other men.

Marriage is a frustrating and maddening state. Sometimes it seems like the Weather Channel and the Packers are more important to him than what I did on any given day. He will still interrupt me when I am talking to someone else, as if what he has to say is more important than what I’m saying. It doesn’t phase him when his best friend notices a new haircut or compliments me on how I look or asks me about my day. He will walk in the room and change the channel without asking if I might have actually been watching what was on the television. He always leaves important decisions to me, then bitches when I don’t do what he would’ve done. He kisses the dog first when he wakes up or when he walks in the door from work.

But … he is the father of my children, he is my husband and his finer traits, even though they escape me from time to time, and the wonderful things he’s done over the course of the past twenty-six years FAR outweigh any of the foolishness that pisses me off. I adore him and I can’t imagine being without him. It’s him I want by my side when I take my final breath.

I love you, BigD.

Even when I want to tear the last three remaining hairs out of your shiny pink scalp.

Catch-Up Time

This post was written on what I think was a Friday, but I know it was the 14th day in the month of October in the year of 2011.

Okay, really fast:

  • Buncha people died
  • TheBoy moved all the way over to Minneapolis
  • Packers won the SuperBowl (we’re pretty sure it’s because TheBoy moved to MN)
  • TheBug got a boyfriend (who coincidentally works for the Packers)
  • I gave up NASCAR for MLB
  • The Brewers are playing off for The World Series
  • If the Brewers win the World Series, TheBoy can never move home from MN *
  • I got a chihuahua (I KNOW, right?). She is spoiled
  • I am still married and he’s still alive (I KNOW, right?)
  • I am still designing websites (see here)
  • I got sucked into the world of the RH (I designed the official website for one of them)
  • TheBestFriend got a new BF, as well. He is apparently more important than me :(
  • I am still fat and lazy
  • I still have red hair. Well except for those 4-5 GRAY ones that I found this week
  • I am now 50 GODDAM YEARS OLD (ahem)
  • Uh … early onset Alzheimer’s?

* If the Brewers actually WIN the World Series hot on the heels of the Packers winning the SuperBowl, I am fairly certain that Wisconsin will implode, leaving a glutinous mass of beer and cheese to ooze into several of the Great Lakes.