she revolves

Have I ever mentioned how much I hate flies? No? Odd, since they are quite possibly the biggest bane of my fucking existence. Actually, anything that flies and buzzes is pretty high up on my list of THINGS THAT I ABSOLUTELY FUCKING HATE, but flies? Oh yes, flies are the absolute WORST.

Know why?

Cuz they’re nasty. They eat shit then, then commence to shitting and laying eggs (which eventually turn into MAGGOTS) all over everything else. Everything else, of course, being ANYTHING that I might want to put in my mouth. Coffee? Uh – dump THAT fucking cup, there was a fly on the rim.

They carry disease and if they’re around you can bet there’s something either dead or dying in the vicinity.

Blecccchhhh!

So, there’s your early morning reading. Sorry.

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I cannot believe that I managed to completely forget this bit of oddness. Actually, it’s cool oddness or odd coolness … whatever.

For the past six months or so I’ve been thinking about my fifth grade teacher. I could remember her first name, but not much else. Since I transferred from one local elementary school to another in the sixth grade, I haven’t been in touch with any of the kids I went to grade school with. A few of my friends – Boris and Spanky – went to school there, but they didn’t have her and couldn’t remember her.

So the quest continued.

A couple of weeks ago we were at Ike’s house for his and Jinx’s pre-wedding cookout and we were introduced to their neighbors, Dick and Jane Smith. As you might imagine, their last name is VERY common in this area, so I didn’t think much of it.

Fast forward to the wedding reception the following weekend. Because Ike and Jinx live in the little town where I went to grade school, there are a lot of people who might remember my fifth grade teacher’s name. At some point, someone said, “Ask Dick Smith. He went to school there.”

Me: Who did you have for fifth grade?

Dick: Mrs. Potter. Why?

Me: Cuz I went to school there and I couldn’t remember her name. Who was your fourth grade teacher?

Dick: Mr. Firth.

Me: ME TOO! You must be right around my age, what year did you graduate?

Dick: 1979.

Me: ??? Well, crap, we must’ve been in the same classes together.

Dick: Who were you?

Me: JL Maidenname

Dick, eyes large, mouth agape: You are NOT.

Me: Um … yes, I AM.

Dick: Nope, JL Maidenname was in my grade, and you ain’t her.

Me: Trust me, I am her.

Dick: ::blink:: ::blink:: ::blink::

So I commence to mingling and coversating with other people at the wedding, but every time I look over at Dick, he’s staring at me with this flabbergasted fucking look on his face. It was funny at first, but then:

Me: Stop that, Dick, you’re starting to creep me OUT.

Dick: ::blink:: ::blink:: ::blink:: You HAVE TO come to our next class reunion.

Okay, I know I’ve changed a lot since elementary school, but it’s not like I was a BOY and now I’m a GIRL, for the fuck’s sake! And I know I was something of a nerd, but geez!

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The Ring” was not the creepiest movie I’ve ever seen, however the commercials for both the first and the second one creep the fuck out of me. Not such the cool feeling when you’re one of two women – alone – in a house at one o’clock in the morning. After you’ve just gotten done watching “Boogeyman.” Our bedroom has a large window that is ground level (there’s a funny story about that, too) and I pretty much creeped myself right out of going to bed this morning.

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Animal shorts. Shotgun is quite obviously right smack dab in the middle of his rebellious teenage years. Little bastard. LilBoy managed to get the shit kicked out of himself and as close as I can tell he’s lost a good deal of one of his ears. Ick. Remy (Remington) is just cute and sassy. He’s a boy, Judith, in case I hadn’t mentioned … nuts as big as his dad’s. I swear the males of this cat family – FatCat, LilBoy and Remy – have the largest nutsacks I’ve ever seen on a cat. Not that I go out of my way to check out their ‘nads, but honestly, the damn things are pretty hard to miss.

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Okay, I am out. Things to do, people to piss off.