sun don’t shine

I miss my mama

I miss my mama

I HATE being sick and I’ve had a lot of practice at it over the past two weeks. Apparently the United States is being attacked by two virulent flu strains. That means if you didn’t get a flu shot (that would be me) you will get the flu. It also means that if you DID get a flu shot, it was likely the WRONG flu shot and you will still get sick.

So there.

I didn’t even really realize that the portrait of my mama was in this photo, but it kinda fits because I’ve been thinking how much I wanted her since I’ve been sick.

I know a lot of people – like nearly the whole COUNTRY – are suffering from this shit (which is scary and a whole other blog entry), and I have no reason to feel sorry for myself, I do and I am. While BigD was home for the first week and took exceptionally good care of me and my Buglet has been here for me and my dear, dear friend Betsy, from Me~Myself & I dropped off some homeopathic meds this morning, does ANYBODY EVER stop wanting their mama when they’re sick?

I had a wonderful Christmas and got the ONE thing I wanted: a new lens for my camera. It’s awesome and I can’t wait to feel better/for the weather to change in order to utilize the damn thing, lol. In the meantime I am studying every day, trying to learn everything I can about the craft of photography.

Today I’m feeling a bit better, but I’m not gonna let this monster fool me again; the last time I felt better (Monday, I think) I was all over the house upstairs, down in the basement, doing house stuffs. Yesterday I was back on the sofa – bleeeh!

The worst thing is that when I get something like the cold or the flu or even a hangover (not that I get them much these days), I end up feeling worse because it exacerbates the Fibro. I’ve learned to deal with the FM every day, but add something more to it and I am a mushy, weepy mess.

div

Also? My ONLY resolution for 2013 is to try and post here more often.

Ensuring that I’ll likely not be back until May.

brown paper packages

Yeah, I don’t have enough to stress this time of year. I got four adult people who absolutely refuse to give me a hint of any kind of what they might like to find under the tree from Santa, I got a high maintenance kid who’s birthday is three days before Christmas (yes, I am fully aware of the fact that I actually CHOSE her friggin birthday – SHUT UP), I got the anniversary of my mother’s death five days before Christmas, I got actual CHRISTMAS … and now I gotta worry about the end of the world on 12/21/12. I should actually be HOPEFUL, because the end of the world would pretty much wipe out the OTHER things I stress about this time of year.

:: sigh ::

Though it would save me a butt-load of angst, y’all know how my luck runs and the world is NOT gonna end in ten days.

What is it they say? “Keep Calm and Carry On“? Good advice for someone whose usual modus operandi is “Act Hysterical and Give Up.”

Eh … Oh! here’s some awesome news: BigD is home! Yay!!!!! No only is he home, as in not out of town, but he’s actually HOME today. Of course, having him home all day usually turns into chaos of one form or another but that’s a chance I don’t mind taking.

Beside, he’s all doped up so … what kind of trouble can he cause?

Okay, off to fiddle around with some shit.

between planets

Yup … still nothin’.

I want, I want, I want …

I want some ambition.

I want some inspiration.

I want to stop feeling so … ehhhh. Y’know?

I have nothing to bitch about, not really. I have so much to be grateful for. I am happy, really I AM.

I just WANT.

man in the box

Gah … I hate this time of year. Everything is gray and bald and shutting down. Nothing pretty to look at anymore.

It’s this time of year that I want to start doing re-makes of everything from my house to myself. Occasionally that ends well.

I am working on the little house some … can’t do too much more until Spring.

I’ve been watching “Hoarders” and tossing shit in the garbage on Thursdays – that’s never a bad thing.

Also got TIRED of my blog design, so I’m temporarily back to a generic design.

the break-up song

I was recently involved, either marginally or dead-bang in the middle, depending on how you look at it, with a litte Internet distastefulness.

It all began with this:

As a twitch, I posted it to a photographer’s Facebook feed and said that her work had “inspired” me.

Yes, it was snarky. Sue me.

As expected, the comment/image was deleted and I thought, that was that. The comment/image got some “likes”, I got a chuckle, no harm no foul.

The next day said photographer posted a photo that was so … okay I can’t even think of how to describe it. Even her own fans were bumfuckled: “it’s beautiful, but what is it.”

THAT image rubbed me the wrong way. See, I LIKE this photographer’s work. I’ve always thought it to be softly beautiful and sweet.

Just lately though, she’s started adding elements that done a bit differently might have fit more with the image she’s built for herself. Sadly, they look more like something a junior high schooler might have created with Piknik. In my opinion they detracted from the beauty of her talent.

When she posted the questionable shot – you know, the one that NO ONE COULD FIGURE OUT WHAT IT WAS – I twitched.

Again.

And posted THIS to her feed:

This is not talent. It’s not art.

It is a deliberate kick in the teeth to wherever you received your real talent from.

You are tossing CRAP onto the Internet’s collective walls and hoping it will stick. And yourloyal followers, those people who LOVE your REAL talent are following along behind and sucking it all up like good little minions.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself. To have been given a natural talent and making a travesty of it.

I have always admired your talent and your ability to create beauty. I have no idea what you’re doing now, but it’s my opinion that you’re twisting your God-given talent by pissing on everybody’s feet and calling it morning dew.

And of course, you delete any opposing or questioning opinion – dissenting opinions make it more difficult to make your loyal followers drink the Kool-Aid.

And that is MY opinion.

Of course, it was deleted. Her prerogative.

However, if you are going to post your art to the goddamn world, you better be prepared for the realization that not everyone is gonna love it.

Twitchy still, I posted it word for word to my own FB.

And thought that it was over. My FB following consists of my real life friends and family and the members of a board I belong to (hullo S’lores). Hardly the entire Internet.

Some jolly-talk was made on the board I belong to. The PRIVATE board where we go to say things that we don’t want others to see. Amongst ourselves, y’know?

Private like.

Someone who joined that board with the express purpose of spying on us copied these private conversations and showed them to the photographer in question.

I can imagine she was hurt. I would’ve been.

So, shame on the bitch that did the tattling. In a very real way SHE was the one who hurt the photographer by hiding and sneaking and carrying tales.

Yes, we said it. But we DIDN’T say it to her face nor did we shout it out publicly.

Because that would have been cruel and mean and catty.

Y’know, like the bitch who did the actual tale-carrying.

So … on and on it goes because after all we are women and this is what many of us do; what we HAVE done since grade-school.

We perpetuate and nurture the meanness between us.

Still ANOTHER photographer thought it her place to lecture the entire photography based Internet about the situation and remind us not to be mean to each other (in a nutshell)

She wrote, in part:

I may vent about it to my (mostly non-photographer) friends. I may even kvetch a little during one-on-one conversations with other photographers. I may try to quietly counteract it. But you will not find me, not ever, participating in a public bashing of a colleague.

Yeah, kinda what I did. Anything more that what I posted on FB was posted PRIVATELY.

Someone ELSE snuck around pretending to be someone they weren’t and passed on PRIVATE information that wasn’t meant to be seen in public. In effect they lied to get into a private forum, STOLE content and passed it along in order to hurt someone else.

If THAT person (who remains nameless because they are a coward) had kept their nose out of it no drama would have seen the light of day.

Here’s MY advice for the Internet: If you post your art (whether it’s writing or photography or taffy-pulling) to the web, there will be SOMEONE who doesn’t like it. There will be people who will express their opinion. If you love what you do, grow a thick skin and let ‘em ride.

And Meg? Those people that are carrying tales to you that they got by sneaking around? Those are the people you need to watch out for. Cuz they will turn on you.

Count on it.