Latest Reads

June 2, 2009 - 11:55 am 2 Comments »

“… words are still the best magic I know about. Put in the right order, they can excite me, comfort me, and take me out of myself like nothing else can. Without the books by the writers I love — hell, without books in general — I have no idea how I would maintain even a vestige of sanity. I could live without music, visual art, dramatic performance of any type, or even sports if I had to, but life without books is totally out of the question …”

Amen, Poppy.

I am honestly reading at least two novels a week … I don’t know if that’s a bad thing or a good thing. Am I actually READING or just skimming?

I know I read enough of the second in the “Twilight” series to know that I am wholly unimpressed with the damn thing. Looks like The Master feels the same way, lol.

I am currently reading “Oldest Living Confederate Widow Tells All” by Allan Gurganus and waiting on the “Monere: Children of the Moon” series, which seems to be a hotter, or if one reviewer is to be believed, more pornographic Twilight-type vampire series.

LOL - bring on the PORN!

I am also looking forward to “Change Me into Zeus’s Daughter” and “Fierce” by Barbara Robinette Moss, as well as “Water for Elephants” by Sara Gruen and desperately wishing for “The Hour I First Believed” by Wally Lamb to go down in price at Amazon.

I am a skinflint, lol.

div

I had a kind of crappy dream last night in which BigDaddy finally said, “Uh yeah, it’s been fun, but …” By the end of the dream, right before I woke up, I knew that all was good between us, but I still hate that kind of shit. He has been the absolute CORE of me for the past twenty-four (gasp!) years. I would die without him. I kept imagining myself in the widow’s place at the funeral I went to last week - aaaagggghh.

I know I am a fourteen year old where he is concerned, but I just can’t help it. He was the first person who helped me to realize that I didn’t have to be damaged. That I could move past all the shit of my past. That I could be happy.

Of course, I must strenuously remind myself of all that when he has me so mad that I can’t see straight.

On Sunday, we got into a two hour very LOUD discussion about Dale Earnhardt, Sr. and his wife Theresa’s role in his rise to merchandising fame. Made my head want to pop the fuck right off.

Peaceful Rest

May 29, 2009 - 1:45 pm No Comments »

There is nothing like attending a funeral that will change your mind about someone.

I just got back from the funeral of a friend - I didn’t know him as well as many, but he was a lovely guy. Truly a good man. As much as I hate funerals, I am of the belief that that it’s not about me or what I dislike, it’s about the deceased’s loved ones and your respect for them.

In any event, TheBug and I went to Joe’s funeral - Joe’s daughter and TheBug were close friends in grade school. It was a smallish turnout, our area is made up of hardworking folks that likely can’t afford to take off work and no doubt made their appearance last night in lieu of being there today.

After a brief prayer and a few musical selections the funeral attendees were asked to share their memories of Joe. I hoped more than anything that someone would have the courage to stand up in front of everybody and salute this wonderful man. Had I known him better, I WOULD have. Sadly, I never got to know Joe as well as I could’ve and for me to have spoken would’ve taken the spotlight off those who did and seemed more self-serving.

Growing up in the VERY, VERY small town that I did, there were some people that were more “well-known” and gossiped about than others. My family was actually at the VERY TOP of that list, but that story is for another time. There was a man, the older brother of a couple of girls that babysat my brothers and I, who was laughed at behind his back (knowing the area where I grew up, it’s not unlikely that he was actually laughed at to his face) and made fun of.

For the most part, I didn’t think of him one way or another, only when his name came up in conversation and then to laugh along with whatever story was being told.

The first person to stand and walk to the podium was that man. He lives on his family’s home spot to this day; Joe and his wife moved nearby some thirty years ago. Having the love of cars in common, they became close friends over the years and you could hear the love this man had for Joe and how his heart was breaking at the loss of his friend.

He told the story of how when Joe was first ill, he’d gone to see him before what I believe was surgery, kissed him on the forehead and told him not to worry that all would be good. It was … that time. The last time that Joe was in the hospital his friend couldn’t be there.

He never saw Joe alive again.

You can’t understand or grasp the enormity of this fifty-something year old man, who had grown up in this German/Belgian community, where any sign of emotion is considered “unmanly”, where he’d suffered at least some ridicule and scorn in his life, not only standing up in front of a group of people and professing his love for his friend, but sharing that he’d actually kissed him.

In my eyes that man is a hero and even though I doubt I said anything against him, I am ashamed of knowing that in all likelihood I shared in hurting him in some small way.

And I am sorry.

Happy-Happy, Joy-Joy

April 30, 2009 - 10:56 am 1 Comment »

What do I love?

My Boy

My Boy

My Baby and Her Daddy

My Baby and Her Daddy

My Dog

My Dog

My Cat

My Cat

Mini Daffs

Mini Daffs

Three Lakes Pool Team

Three Lakes Pool Team

To be continued …

Well Fuck It …

April 15, 2009 - 9:14 am 1 Comment »

I’ve been up ten minutes and I am already pissed off first, here’s the assHOLE in San Antonio:

Butch Armstrong said the fence has helped to buffer the sound between the school and his home [ ... ], a short street running behind the schoolyard, but noise is still a problem. He would like the district to change a traffic pattern that has a long line of cars dropping off and retrieving children at the rear of the school and to monitor the property so community members do not use the school grounds on nights and weekends.

[ ... ]

According to a Universal City police report, Armstrong told an officer that “police, fire, ambulances and the USAF training jets are not unreasonable, but the noise coming from the elementary school was.”

OMFG.

And this, well this is just quite possibly one of the stupidest things EVER.

And allergies?  Yes, allergies can kiss my FAT ass.

ERM … that would be MY allergies, NOT Malia’s allergies.

See?

April 14, 2009 - 4:30 pm No Comments »

This is what I have to put up with when he’s home.

burdocks

Dark Illusion

April 13, 2009 - 8:38 pm No Comments »
Also from 1999:

Exquisite.  Purely and simply exquisite.

He thought it quite possible that he'd finally stumbled into Paradise.
A lifetime of aimless rambling had led him to this piss-scented
hell-hole of a roadhouse on the outskirts of one more godforsaken
Midwest town, and into the presence of the angel he'd been afraid
existed only in his fantasies. And this one was more than an angel,
far superior to those that had come before.  He knew she was his own
dark bride, his intended, at long last arrived.

She paused momentarily at the entrance of the backwoods tavern, bathed
in the crimson glow of the exit sign.  Poised and self-assured in
three-inch black patent heels, she was a vision in black. Blue-black
silk encased her upper body, open at the throat to better display the
creamy skin of her breasts, and tight sleeves buttoned around her
delicately pale wrists.  Buttery soft black leather hugged her narrow
hips, ending just beneath the shelf of her curved buttocks, and filmy
black stockings encased the curves of her calves.

Shining coal black hair lay upon her shoulders and cascaded down her
back. A slender, jet-tipped finger toyed absently with the curl
nearest her cleavage. He'd abandoned himself to her sparkling ebony
eyes at first glance.

Her hips swayed slightly beneath the thin leather skirt as she glided
through the dimly lit bar. As she neared, Rand's ragged breath caught
in his dry throat, and he stood, stepping into her path.  He extended
his hand. "You were born to wear black."  The words slid smoothly off
his tongue, without a hint of mockery.

"It's my favorite color."  She gazed at him from beneath dusky,
feathered lashes and laid her slender hand in his. Her moist scarlet
lips glittered in the dim lights of the bar.  "Buy me a drink?"

He gestured to the empty stool beside him and watched appreciatively
as she slid onto it.  The hem of her skirt rose one delectable inch,
affording him a brief glimpse of lace-topped stockings and a
breath-taking promise of ivory thighs before she primly pulled it back
into place.  A dream come true. He sighed inaudibly and held up two
fingers to the bartender.  The drinks deposited in front of them, Rand
leaned toward her, letting the tips of his fingers brush the nape of
her neck through the veil of black hair.  "Do you come here often?"

She laughed at the weary old line, then quickly sobered, her eyes
glazing over and drifting to some point to the left of his shoulder.
"Too often," she said, her voice barely audible above the bass that
thumped from over-sized speakers.  She sipped from the heavy
ice-filled bar glass, then licked her lips and smiled up at him.  "I'm
Gena."

"Rand."  He encased her delicate hand in his own once again, then
lifted it to his lips.  "I'm so very pleased to meet you."

Rand looked into her dark, dark eyes, and was momentarily disconcerted
by what he thought he saw.  It was true that she wasn't like the
others, he had seen it--known it--felt it-immediately.  If she had
been, she wouldn't have been "the" one.  But still, he hadn't expected
that ephemeral flicker of depravity in her dark eyes. He blinked, and
it was gone, if it had ever been there, replaced by the predictable
gaze of expectant adoration that they all eventually wore, no matter
how blasi and jaded they initially pretended to be.  His social grace
and practiced sincerity ultimately won them all over, to their final
and lasting regret.  So, had it been wishful thinking, that glimmer of
corruption in the depth of her eyes? he wondered. _Surely not,_ he
scoffed to himself.  More likely a reflection of one of the neon beer
signs that hung over the bar.

Breathing into Gena's ear, Rand excused himself and headed to the
men's room at the back of the bar.  As he passed through the pool
room, his attention was momentarily captured by a thin-waisted bottle
blonde in faded denim cut-offs. She grasped the pool cue she was
holding in both hands and arched her back, jutting her jean-clad
bottom in his direction.  He felt a familiar stirring in his groin,
but a quick glance back toward the bar reminded him that soon no other
woman would be necessary.  He had no further use for the inelegance of
a common whore. His search was over, he had found his soul-mate
tonight.

Once in the small, dimly lit restroom, he entered one of the two
stalls, wrinkling his aristocratic nose at the overpowering stench of
urine, and locked the door behind him.  A quick search of his jacket
pockets located the small, clear plastic bullet filled with high-grade
cocaine.  All he needed tonight was two small blasts.  His chance
encounter with the love of his life had set his heart to racing on its
own, as if he'd snorted an entire eight-ball.

He sprinkled a bit of the white powder on his forefinger and rubbed it
across his gums, savoring the immediate numbness as the stuff he'd
snorted drained down the back of his throat.  "Bring on the dental
surgeon," he chuckled derisively.

Rand swept out of the bathroom stall and did a quick nostril check in
the smoke-filmed mirror that hung haphazardly over the rust-stained
sink.  _Looking good,_ he thought.  _As usual._  It had taken him a
few days to get used to his new look, but he knew it was a winner.
Aqua contacts masked the run-of-the-mill brown eyes and he'd shorn his
shoulder length brown hair to just a quarter of an inch all over his
well-shaped head, then bleached it nearly white.  In a few days the
dark outgrowth would be noticeable, but that would be okay, too.  By
then he, and Gena, would be half a continent from this shit-kicking
tavern and wouldn't that be fine?  He thought it would.

He stepped back into the smoke and music of the bar-room, his eyes
immediately seeking his new-found love.

She sat on the same barstool, legs crossed primly. Instead of waiting
patiently for him to return, though, she was gazing raptly into the
face of a biker looking dude.  She held a drink in one hand (the drink
Rand himself had bought her, no doubt), while she ran the narrow tip
of her opposite forefinger around its edge.  Rand couldn't hear what
the biker was saying, but Gena's glittering eyes never left his face,
and she grinned wickedly when the man traced a rough-skinned thumb
across her silken knee.  _So much for finding the love of my life,_
Rand thought.

The blood rushed to Rand's head, then pound furiously in his chest.
It wasn't the effect of the cocaine, he knew, but his incredible
rage.  Gena was no different from the rest, it seemed.  He thought
he'd finally found the woman of his dreams, the love of his life, and
she was no different than any of those other sluts.  _It never
failed,_ he thought. Rand took a deep, shuddering breath, swallowing
the wad of coke-laden snot at the back of his throat and contemplated
going back into the john for another blast.  No, he'd save it for
later-it looked like he was going to need it.

Gena glanced up as  he neared, her dark eyes barely widening.  The
biker had turned and headed toward the bank of pool tables, and Gena
cunningly ignored his departure.  She certainly didn't seem
uncomfortable that he'd caught her in what amounted to adultery.
Grasping Rand's forearm, she pulled him nearer.

"Come closer, lover."  Her voice was silky smooth beneath the blare of
the honky-tonk jukebox.  "Why don't we get out of here?"

Rand snorted and glanced toward the smoke-hazed pool tables.  "What
about your friend?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Gena's gaze didn't flicker
from his face as her fingers slowly traced the hairs on his forearm.
She was good, Rand would give her that much, but he knew exactly what
kind of bitch she was.

"Sure, " he said, forcing a grin.  "Let's get the hell out of here."
Might as well get this over with, he thought.  So I can get out of
this piss-waddle little town and find my true love.

Arm in arm, they threaded their way toward the exit and out into the
night.  Once they reached the parking lot, Gena paused beneath the
neon glow of the bar sign and pulled Rand around to face her.

Their eyes locked and she brought her moist crimson lips to his. Her
tongue flickered over his lips and teeth, and he found himself aroused
against his will. Rand pulled away, uncertainty and doubt clouding his
mind. He was losing control of the situation.  He pulled away from
Gena's embrace and turned his back to her, his counterfeit aqua blue
eyes staring at nothing. Gena stepped nearer, her hands on his
shoulders, her nails tracing the sides of his neck.  She flicked her
tongue along the nape of his neck.

"How can I be sure you're the one?" His voice was nearly inaudible,
and he fought the urge to turn and look into her eyes. "How do I know
you're not like the rest?" Gena's narrow fingers caressed his cheek.
"I've searched for you for so long. What if you're not the one?" Rand
turned to face her.  He'd never asked the others these questions, and
couldn't believe he was asking them of Gena.  Especially since he knew
what she really was.  The memory of the biker's greasy fingers on her
knee flashed in his mind.

"You know I exist," Gena laughed, the sound of broken beer bottles
against a wall. Her dark eyes glittered. "I exist, and you want me.
Isn't that enough, Rand?" Intense heat radiated off her and washed
over him, despite the coolness of the evening.  It felt good. Gena's
hands snaked beneath his shirt and rested on his chest. He felt the
thrum of blood beneath her fingertips.

"It is enough, isn't it?" she breathed. "We were meant to be, Rand. I
pray for you each night, the same way you've prayed for me.  I am your
intended." Rand gazed into the dark pools of her eyes and her voice
became distant, overpowered by the thud of his own pulse in his ears,
and the thrum of her blood in the tips of her fingers as she traced
them over his rapidly cooling skin.

Gena stepped closer, laid her lips against his cheek. "I'm your bride,
Rand.  Make me your wife."

Rand shuddered and his flesh grew icy  His strength and authority was
being drained. Somehow, they'd moved from the parking lot in front of
the bar to his van.  The keys were in his hand, and his angel stood
beside him in the darkness. He felt her pulse as her fingertips rested
upon his neck. The ring of keys chattered in his fingers as he rushed
to unlock the door.  As soon as it was open, Gena's body fell against
his and they tumbled into the van.

He hurriedly pulled the door of the van shut behind them, before she
could see the interior, then reached for her in the darkness.  He'd
nearly lost his self-restraint, but now that he was in his own
territory, he was back in control.   Rand pushed Gena back onto the
upholstered cot that took up the rear of the van and ran his hands
over her body.  It was a shame that she'd turned out to be no
different than the others, it would make him sad to do away with her.
Gena was truly exquisite.

Rand pulled the black silk blouse away from her skin and buried his
face between her breasts. "I am yours, lover," she breathed. "And you
are mine." Rand grabbed her face between his hands and covered her
lips with his. He needed to shut her up, it was her voice that
confused him, the words that she whispered.

Gena's luscious lips consumed him, nibbling and chewing the flesh of
his lips. Rand gagged and tried to pull away. The bitch had drawn
blood!

She flipped him over, she was stronger than he could have imagined.
He lay flat on his back, too weak to move, and still her lips and
teeth traveled over his face and neck. He felt the hot gout of blood
as she sunk her teeth into his throat and his hand wavered weakly
toward the wall of the van.  _If I could just reach my tools,_ he
thought.  His chest was soaked with his own blood, hot and slippery,
and still Gena kissed him.

"I am your destiny, Rand," she said, leaning into to him, his blood
dripping from her lips and teeth. "And you are mine." Her voice faded
as oblivion overtook him.

There would be no more for Rand. No more searching for the love of his
life, and no more disappointment. Gena's exquisite face filled the
last of his visions. His warm blood spilled from her fangs and onto
the carpet of the van, mingling with the blood of those that had gone
before. And he could only gaze at her and think, "Exquisite.  Purely
and simply exquisite."

----------

Headline on page one of the Dalton City Times-Press, November 1, 1999:

"HAS THE RASH OF UNEXPLAINED MURDERS IN THE MIDWEST COME TO A CLOSE
WITH THE DISCOVERY OF A KNOWN SERIAL KILLER'S BODY?"
--

Blast From the Past

April 12, 2009 - 9:18 am 1 Comment »

How’s this for something interesting?  Wow … I started bawling when I read that.

Check out the entry for May 2, lol.  So much for not using the “program”.  I do so love Wordpress!

And one of these days, I WILL get the rest of my archives back online.

Maybe …

div

I downloaded half of the 70’s yesterday and will finish today.  And they all fit on my mp3 player.

YAY!!!

div

A friend of MsIris died yesterday; she was an acquaintance of mine, also the mother of one of TheBoy’s HS friends … it was a sad situation and reminded me of my mother in more ways than one.

It’s a fucking fallback statement, one I HATE with a passion, but she really IS in a better place.

div

easterJust how much DO I love my husband?

div

On my TO-DO for this week:

  • Get rid of that fucking duvet - can you say night sweats?
  • Wash (some) windows
  • Tile the tub back-shelf (gah … I am NOT a fucking plumber)

At Loose Ends

April 11, 2009 - 9:36 am No Comments »

If I am not working on five different sites at the same time, PLUS pimping the hell out of myself, I am lost.

Seriously.

This past week I have been slow, which for me means only two current clients needing anything.

But I get all panicky when I have down time instead of enjoying it - dumb ass.

div

BigD is home for a whole week.  That insane scream you’ll hear on or around Wednesday from the Midwest will be me:

GO BACK TO WORK!!!!

The man gets on the nerve, y’know?

First we have the incessant channel surfing. Now, channel-surfing in and of itself is okay, but you have to hone the craft. You CANNOT surf six channels and keep any kind of sanity about what you’re watching. Also, the sanity of anybody within three rooms is at risk, which may put your LIFE at risk.

Put the remote control DOWN and step away from the sofa or the television gets it.

Also … dude, seriously you are nearing fifty years old, the bread and the sandwich eat are in the same place they have been since we got married twenty-some fucking years ago.  Make your own sandwich at lunch time.

I make the big, Sunday breakfast-in-bed and the four course suppers four nights a week - come on, pull your weight.

I must admit, though, that I will be really happy to have him home til about Wednesday.  I HATE when he’s out of town, I sleep for shit and I miss him so much.

Will I ever get over feeling like a fourteen year old about him?

div

I have discovered “On Demand”, my own television viewing will never be the same.

Rescue Me” started last week and for the next 22 weeks I will be in FDNY heaven.  I want to have Dennis Leary’s babies.

Southland” has possibilities, as does “Harper’s Island” (Harry Hamlin’s character the first to go - REALLY?)

div

Let’s see, what else?

Oh yeah, still fat.

I am actually starting to get a little panicky about this shit. I have relied on my mother’s pretty fucking spectacular genetics, but y’know, if she had lived to my current age, maybe she would’ve started going downhill too.

It’s really hard though when you walk up a sweat four days a week AND cut your Pepsi consumption down to ONE FUCKING bottle a week and you actually seem to GAIN fucking weight.

Gah … whatEVER.

Singin’ Sweet Home Alabama All Summer Long

April 2, 2009 - 9:28 am 2 Comments »

So … a little bit of trivia:

What are the last four concerts I’ve been to?

Who is/are my FAVORITE rock n roll artist(s)?

Who am I going to see on July 5th?

Busy-Busy

March 26, 2009 - 6:45 am 1 Comment »

I’ve been busting my ass the past couple of weeks, not a second for fun (or anything else for that matter :( ).

Well, I have made time to read:

American Pie - Michael Lee West

Mermaids in the Basement - Michael Lee West

I have Consuming Passions on the nightstand, but I think I may be a bit overdosed on Ms West.

Trash - Dorothy Allison

Her Last Death - Susanna Sonnenberg

I don’t know what to think about this book, except that if this woman got her memoirs published, I better get my ass in gear. Granted, her childhood was weird, but honestly not very interesting. Or maybe it was just her bounce around style of writing.

20th Century Ghosts - Joe Hill

I actually have about 100 pages of this book left.  I don’t want it to end.  More PLEASE!

I am a couple of chapters away from finishing Son of a Witch by Gregory Maguire, with A Lion Among Men to folow.

I am not sure what to say about Son of a Witch.  I SO loved Wicked; I still get all bamboozled trying to wrap my head around Maguire’s imaginative view of Oz.

SoaW?

::shrug::

I dunno.

div

I am swollen … I mean like middle of August, way-too-much-sodium, in-the-middle-of-my-period swollen.

Weird.

  • Pages

  • Archives

  • Recent Posts

  • The above links are those of people I've been reading for YEARS, most since I began writing ten years ago ... they are my original online "family".
    • follow me on Twitter